DRAMATIC IRONY and complete lack of subtlety

Dog...

2005-05-14T17:32:28Z

He'd mourned Dog vocally. Dog had been a good companion. A messy corpse, but a good and loyal (of incrediably stupid and loud) dog. The cats had been a greater loss to the intellectual capital of the house, but sometimes intellectual capital was over rated. The dog had always looked at him with respect. He missed that. And Lilah was refusing to take over the role.

David Shaw needed a new dog.

davidshaw @ 2005-04-14T18:57:00

2005-04-14T08:57:25Z

He gets home around midday. The house is quiet. Usually Dog starts barking as his car pulls up the drive. Dog knows Davids car. He doesn't bark for Lilah or Anya or any guest. But he howls for David. But as David gets out of the car he's struck by the silence.

So he walks towards it. Through the house and into the silence.

He's never seen anything like it. And he's seen a lot. But this - it takes his mind a moment to manouver around it.

"Anya." He screams her name out. "Anya!"

He doesn't wait for the response. He picks up the phone and calls Lilah. She's in a meeting. He tells her assistant to get Lilah out. And his voice signals this latest emergency doesn't involve oreos or the remote control.

And he waits.

davidshaw @ 2005-04-03T01:28:00

2005-04-02T15:28:38Z

Today's the day. Yes, that day. Once she's done yelling at the caterers until they're near tears and look about ready to commit suicide with their own knives, Lilah makes her way back to the room in the church that was designated for her. She's been in a bad mood all week, trying to make sure everything will be ready for today and she's in no mood to deal with anyone, let alone her bridesmaids. She knows it's tradition or some bullshit like that to have them help her get into the dress, but she doesn't need their help, thank you very much. The dress is easy. Her hair is easy. It's all easy. Well, except the walking down the aisle part of the day. That is proving to be more than a little scary. More than just a little difficult and far from being easy.

She looks good. Everyone at the wedding will have to admit that. The dress is beautiful, simple, nothing over the top. Even she has to admire herself in the mirror -- something she's used to doing, but never before in a wedding dress. Never before and never again. Lilah can't wait until this part is over with and she's allowed to drink. She'll need at least a few glasses of wine to get through whatever sort of speech Alan has planned for the reception.

Before she's ready, there's music. Someone's cue to start walking down the aisle, she assumes. Her bouquet is sitting on the table and she grabs it, stuffing her hastily scribbled copy of her vows into the center of the floral arrangement. It would be just her luck that she'd blank while saying her vows and have David stomp on her foot as a result. Actually, now that she thinks about it, that would be typical of them. She imagines there will be a few disappointed guests if someone doesn't end up injured during the ceremony.
Right about now, she's wishing she could go on auto-pilot. Walk down the aisle, say her vows, exchange the rings and kiss, then walk back. It'd be easier to do all of that without thinking, but her mind is moving so fast she can't shut it off. It's not like her. There's no one standing at the end of the aisle waiting for her, no one to give her away. She prefers it this way; it's appropriate, really. Her music starts up ... her music and she almost breaks into laughter before stepping onto the aisle. Lilah Morgan. Getting married in a Catholic church.

This should be the easy part. The anticipation is over. In less than a minute she's standing across from David, in front of the priest, beside Anya and Buffy. Prayers, readings and then the priest is talking about marriage, about their marriage and what it means.

David realizes why he wanted this. Not because he believes in God. Not even because he wanted to do it properly. And not because as a wee little boy he dreamed of growing up and getting married. He'd always been focused on the divorce settlement that he figured he'd get if he ever took anything this far. He wanted this because Lilah didn't. Because she said no so many times that he had to make her say yes. Because he is a conman and bending women to his will is what he does. And because when people do what you want, even against their better judgment, that means something.

He's looking at Alan, making faces, trying to make him laugh. If Alan laughs Lilah will kill him. And it's not really a party till Lilah tries to kill someone. David's just doing his bit. Besides. This is absurd. They're getting married. It's a religious ceremony. Someone should be laughing.
He realizes he is. He doesn't mean to. Shit. Lilah is going to kill him. He tries to think of sad things. He thinks of Lilah in that hotel, being scared and alone. Then it occurs to him he shouldn't be thinking of that. Not now. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

This getting married thing? Not as easy as it seems.

And he can't remember his vows. Not for the life of him. Pity. They'd been the best google could offer. There's a moment of awkward silence. Clay starts mouthing them at him. Handy thing - a friend that's a mute.

"I, David, take you, Lilah, to be my friend, my family, my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity."

And he does mean it and he says the words as if they were his own. And he's managed to stop laughing. And then he adds his own final words to it. Unrehearsed, he only means to think them. "Thank you for marrying me." And he sounds so grateful that it seems to be a vow in itself.

It's her turn before she really has time to think about what David's said and everyone is waiting for her. So she smiles slightly at him and says, "You know, I could never understand why people would promise to be with each other forever. I could promise it to a law firm, but to another person? I didn't understand what the point was. I don't know when that changed, exactly, but it did. It must have. Because now I can see why people say it." He gets another small smile and a shrug. "So here's my promise of forever. No perpetuity clause needed, no signing in blood. Just my promise that I, Lilah, will take you, David, as my husband. For good. Forever."

They chose to forgo the mass. There's the lords prayer and a blessing. David figures they could do with all the blessings they could get. He figures everyone could.

And then they're introduced. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw. Lilah looks like she just swallowed thumbtacks. David can't help but smirk. He figures it's time to go get really drunk.

Phone Call to Lilah Morgan

2005-03-20T02:53:57Z

Lilah. Listen. I still can't contact Alan. He hasn't returned my messages, his phone goes straight to voicemail. And then some dick was using his computer and they forgot to sign off his messengers and journals and criminals used to be a hell of a lot smarter, man...

They've STOLEN his computer. He could be dead. Are you getting this, Li? Dead. If he is? We can't get married, we have to organise his fucking funeral. Fucking hell. This is a fucking nightmare.

Someone has KILLED ALAN for his computer.

Lilah!

LILAH!

davidshaw @ 2005-03-13T00:41:00

2005-03-12T13:41:44Z

PS -

Yeah. And I'd convince Clay that we do need a bonfire in the living room and Alan that he shouldn't kick me out of the fucking house and Lilah about the Cambodian orphans and the library committee that they shouldn't impose that lifetime ban, oh yeah and ITALY, I'd change the mind of fucking Italy about my life ban there and I'd definitely change the mind of whoever redesigned B&B's title credits.

I'm sure there's more. Watch this space.

Topic: Changing Winston's Mind...

2005-03-12T13:34:09Z

Winston le Grange.

I'd change old Winston's mind about a lot of things. Small things, like whether he was going to steal that car that day. Whether he was going to take that job teaching tennis to rich bored old ladies.

I'd try and change his mind about bigger things. He got so angry. I'd try and change that somehow. Make him see that in the end all that anger never did shit for him.

I'd tell him he was a better man than me. That maybe he was shit, but he was no more shit than any of the dumb fucks in their nice suits or clean uniforms. Just a different type of shit. And I'd try and tell him that he did have a hope in hell. I'd try and make him see that. Even if I knew it wasn't true. You shouldn't start out thinking you never have a chance. You shouldn't start out knowing you're nothing.

If I could somehow do that then Winston le Grange would never met David Shaw. But he did. And Winston never quite had the survival instinct of David. David is an asshole through and through. And Winston is dead.

And there's no changing the mind of a dead man.

another OOC

2005-03-07T21:15:05Z

Hey Troops!

I'm not going to say much about this nonsense. But I will say, yes, I was mighty vexed last night. But I slept, put it in perspective, and really? Whatever. It's all cool. I think everyone can see from the comments that remain in the thread exactly what occured. I've left mine there for that reason, and even without the context? I think it's all fairly evident. (The context would help, of course, but not much we could do about that!)

We all just need to accept people are who they are and move on. Keep on trucking, troops. I know I will. Though probably not with our boy Dave for a while.

I've been advised not to read a certain OOC so I wont. People seem to think I'll lose my good mood. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

Cheers!

R

davidshaw @ 2005-03-07T20:00:00

2005-03-07T09:00:18Z

Walking is hard. Too hard. He just wants to lie down and have a sleep. So he does. On the lawns of the function centre.

Better.

Much better.

ooc

2005-03-07T05:32:06Z

As another muse would say? Bah.

slow but i get there in the end

2005-02-23T02:22:54Z

Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people would like to remember of you, only the universe failed to cooperate in making it happen so they had to make it up instead.

Why not?

2005-02-16T02:24:10Z

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?

davidshaw @ 2005-02-14T16:35:00

2005-02-14T05:35:52Z

You turn on a show after not watching it for a while and what have they done? Destroyed the title credits and revamped the theme music. Fuckers. Lilah should shoot them.

davidshaw @ 2005-02-06T22:55:00

2005-02-06T11:55:56Z

There is something liberating about driving on the wrong side of the road.

Alan and David had exhausted the delights of Sydney - or perhaps simply outstayed their welcome - but thankfully it was a large landmass and there was more to be seen. So they drove on the wrong side of the road headed to the Sunshine Coast and the promise of the more exotic side of Australia in the Forest Glen Deer Sanctuary, where it was promised that they would find not only Deer but also Kangaroos, Koalas, Emus and more.

They'd seen the Opera House. It was weird looking. They saw the bridge. It was a weird looking bridge. They'd climbed said bridge - it was a large, high, weird looking bridge which at the moment had a rather large, weird and obnoxious disco ball hanging from the side. It was undeniably a beautiful harbour, in spite of the weird looking bridge and opera house.

They ate fish and chips in an open cafe on the edge of the harbour. They had yum cha in Chinatown. They consumed a large amount of Tapas in the Spanish district - which was only two blocks from Chinatown and the memory of yum cha. Pizza in Norton St. Breakfast at Bondi. Beer everywhere along the way. It seemed the Australian thing to do.

The beer was so cold, the weather was so hot and they spent another two days lying on the beach while David wrote postcards he couldn't be bothered mailing. He rang Lilah from the top of Centrepoint tower and read hers to her instead. She asked him what he had bought her, he replied - An Australian Orphan on the blackmarket.

And so, sunburnt but reasonably pleased with themselves, they drove towards the promise of the authentic Australian experience. Driving down the freeway they got their first glimpse of Australian wildlife as they passed the remains of kangaroos, wombats and koalas along the roadside.

The drive took a little longer than expected as David insisted driving out of their way to visit the vast array of big things Australia has to offer. They did not disappoint. They were truly big, absurd and pointless - qualities that David felt were much more suited to the spirit of a vacation that the sophisticated galleries, gardens and guided tours that so often populate the holiday experience. Besides - the photo opportunities were priceless.

"This McDonalds tastes weird." David said, watching Australia fly by the passenger window. "I guess that's the taste of Australia."

davidshaw @ 2005-01-26T14:19:00

2005-01-26T03:19:31Z

David calls Alan's office. His direct line.

He's on another call. No he doesn't want to be put through to his voice mail. He'll wait. And wait. And wait.No. He's happy to keep waiting. Not happy, but - who the fuck is Alan speaking to.

He tells her it's an emergency. And it is. He's quite sure at this point that a person could die of boredom. That person being him.

He finally leaves a message on voicemail stating much the same. Emphasising the dying. Leaving out the boredom.

And then he waits.

davidshaw @ 2005-01-10T20:31:00

2005-01-10T09:31:31Z

Lilah's gone and left me.

I'm so bored.

I don't think I've been this fucking bored since 1994.

EMAIL

2004-12-28T23:20:07Z

Lilah,

Our lady of sacred heart is booked for the Second Saturday in April.

Alan and Clay are my troops. You need to find two chicks. What about that Cordelia? ~~She's pretty hot.~~ She'd look decent in a dress. Or Buffy? Buffy is someone who'll do whatever we like, I mean to say, she'll help us with our wedding plans. She's a great girl. She'd also look good in a dress. She did at her wedding, anyway. You'll look better, of course. You'll be the bride.

Get on to this, boss.

Dave

PS - Get some oreos on the way home. Dog ate them all.

davidshaw @ 2004-12-27T18:43:00

2004-12-27T07:43:06Z

If y'all stuck your heads in the oven, damn right I'd do so too.

1. ~~I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died./If I never loved I never would have cried.~~

2. ~~I watched it for a little while/I like to watch things on TV~~

3. There's nothing in my art./I'd rather be cool than be smart.

4. ~~I'm no school boy but I know what I like/You should have heard me just around midnight~~

5. ~~Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black/Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back~~

6. ~~The killer in me is the killer in you/My love/I send this smile over to you~~

7. ~~Even Jesus would never/Forgive what you do~~

8 . ~~I'm tryin' to speak but no matter what I do/I just can't seem to make any sound~~

9. It wouldn't pain me more to bury you rich/Than to bury you poor

10. ~~If wishes were trees the trees would be falling/Listen to reason/Season is calling~~

11. Well, its a dirty job but someone's gotta do it/And it's a dirty song but someone's gotta sing it

12. Your house was very small with wood chip on the wall. /When I came around to call you didn't notice me at all.

13. Darling, Give Me A Rope/I'll Hang My Self

14. ~~Time and again I tell myself/I'll stay clean tonight/But the little green wheels are following me~~

15. I can't drink this coffee/til I put you in my closet/let him shoot me down/let him call me off

16. ~~He's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back/you shoudn't come around here singing up at people like that~~

~~17. You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive/Well you said that we made such a pretty pair/and that you would never leave~~

18. How can you ignore my faith in everything/When I know what faith is and what it's worth

19. I guess, it's what you wanted/it seems lonely I would be/I begged, I plead/but this is all that I have gotten

20. Like the naked leads the blind./I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.

Ficlet: Christmas Cards.

2004-12-25T06:50:41Z

David had fought for the task of sending out the Christmas cards. Lilah had advocated her assistant doing the task, which had resulted in a long-winded and Davidesque lecture regarding the deep and terrible immortality of allowing someone else to complete a mission that should be personal and heartfelt.

He got his way in the end. He often got his way when Lilah needed him to just shut the fuck up. She had agreed to marry him under very similiar circumstances.

The list was quite long. It gave him a headache. And so it became one of those jobs that one always intends to do tomorrow.

Occasionally Lilah would ask if he had done the cards yet.

"Don't hassle me, Lilah!" Was his standard response. But you have to imagine it said with intense and righteous indignation to really appreciate how it sounded. As it got closer to Christmas an expletive or two may have found their way into the sentence.

Then, inexplicably, it was Christmas eve.

He wasn't quite sure how it had managed to be Christmas eve. Surely it was November?

It took quite a few conversations with Alan to convince him otherwise.

David considered leaving for Tivoli. He still had Clay's passport.

Instead he rang Lilah's assistant.

"Don't tell Lilah but I forgot to send out the Christmas cards."

The assistant understood his fear. After all, she worked with Lilah, she saw as much of her as David did. She understood his fear was not irrational. She organised a courier. Each card to be delivered by courier with a Christmas Hamper of festive joy.

And so each person was sent a hamper of Christmas joy and a card that said as follows:

Dear [the correct name was inserted here, except for Wesley which was misspelt as Weasley - ooooops],

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and all the best for the coming year.

Warm Wishes,

David, Lilah and Alannah Morgan

davidshaw @ 2004-12-24T06:04:00

2004-12-23T19:04:15Z

I just feel so bad for those poor Russian orphans.

That would be all.

Religious Beliefs

2004-12-13T07:52:39Z

When I look at Lilah I can't imagine the possibility of an existence without her.

So I believe in God.

The alternative is too terrible.

davidshaw @ 2004-12-02T22:09:00

2004-12-02T11:09:49Z

Lilah's birthday.

Another year older. And she'll always be older than him. That will be a source of endless amusement for all their years together. Amusement to him. Lilah is less amused, perhaps?

Another cat has found her way on to the bed. David smiles at her. "Don't wake up Lilah. The good times are gone if you wake up Lilah." The cat knows this is true. There's no sleeping on the bed when Lilah is coherent enough to ban it.

"It's her birthday. Be nice to her." He tells the cat.

The cat stares at him.

"Just do your best."

The cat ignores him. She and Lilah have a similiar temperment.

He gets out of bed to make breakfast. It's early. It's cold. Another three cats appear when he enters the kitchen.

"It's Lilah's birthday." He tells them. "Be nice to her today."

Two of the cats ignore him. The third runs between her legs. She'll be nice today. But she's always nice. She's a nice cat. Not too smart, but nice. The last cat to the food ball and the first on your lap. A nice cat.

He makes waffles; mayple syrup, fresh berries. Leaves the bowl of batter on the floor. Another cat has turned up. Four cats at the bowl.

He prepares the coffee. Strong. The way they both drink it.

"We have too many cats." He tells them. They all agree but are too busy eating to enter the discussion.

He takes the breakfast to their room. She's pretending to sleep.

He kicks the side of the bed. "Wake up. It's your birthday."

davidshaw @ 2004-11-14T22:26:00

2004-11-14T11:26:09Z

Masters of War
Bob Dylan

Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build the big bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain

You fasten the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead

Birthday Dinner - backdated - 9/11/04

2004-11-13T14:26:18Z

Lilah had tried, in vain, to suggest other restaurants, but David had a tendency to get his way on lesser days, and this was his birthday. It was a losing battle from the outset.

And so, they came to be sitting in the Lebanese restaurant that David loved and Lilah hated, the restaurant with no chairs, just cushions on the floor, set around low tables.

Under the reign of David they had to order the banquet. There was something so very festive about the banquet. Something very celebatory. And this was supposedly a celebration. Besides. He was starving.

From Big Al.

2004-11-03T10:23:49Z

1. Hug me.
2. Hug yourself twice.
3. If you see someone you know, hug them three times.
4. Put this on your journal so no one will ever accomplish anything again.

davidshaw @ 2004-10-28T22:11:00

2004-10-28T12:11:58Z

Oh. Lilah.

What with being arrested and all, I kind of forgot to ask you... is it okay if Dog stays at your place? I'm in a bit of a bind... see, Alan kind of sold the house and so I have to be out by the weekend. Which is fine. I mean, yeah. It's cool. It's just hard with Dog. And four cats. But if you could take Dog for a while then I can find somewhere for me and the cats. Like a loft space or Anya offered the shop. But it's just dog. You know? So, yeah. Hope you're cool with it. Sorry I forgot to tell you sooner.